4 Truths About Dating

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4 Truths About Dating

By: Michelle Bennett & Regina Stocco

Want a long-term, satisfying relationship? If so, you need to do more than meet interesting people. To save yourself from the confusion and frustration that accompany the dating process, you need to apply several important relationship truths to your search for a mate.

Here are 5 truths that continue to surface when after speaking to and coaching hundreds clients:

1. Until you resolve past relationships, you are not free to have future relationships. Can't seem to meet the right person? You likely have unresolved past relationships holding you back from attracting people. Whether it's an ex-spouse or ex-boy/girlfriend, if you are still obsessing about the, why they treated you the way they did, dumped you, cheated on you, weren't attracted to you, stopped calling you, etc. then you are not making room for something positive and healthy. Clean your "emotional house", let go of the anger, bitterness, self-pity, frustration, guilt and move on with your life. Your emotional baggage comes through loud and clear like a filled u-haul parked behind you with your actions, attitude, sarcasm, skepticism and comments...you just don't realize it! What people do to you is rarely about you and is almost always about them. Don't take the actions of others personally. This is a profound truth because once you grasp it; your relationships will be transformed. Think about it.

2. If you feel empty, trying to date and find a mate will most likely make you feel even emptier. If you are desperately looking for a relationship, with some part of your life on hold people sense neediness and stay away. You will never find fulfillment in relationships until you feel complete as an individual. You can find self fulfillment through a variety of options for self-exploration that include mental, physical and spiritual paths. Being well-rounded and having your own house in order leads to self confidence and will allow you to glow outwardly and attract the kind of relationship you are seeking. When you do meet a prospective mate, if you attempt to make them fill every area of your life too soon, you will only push people away. There is a fine line between wanting a healthy relationship and needing "someone/anyone" to fill the void will result in pushing people down a path they are not ready. Trying to <cram a relationship down someone's throat> or <force a relationship> a break neck pace with no respect for the natural process and stages that courting and building a healthy relationship must follow lead you to one fizzled relationship after another.

3 A relationship with a foundation of dishonesty, deception or the withholding of information is like a house of cards. As such, it will fall at the slightest provocation. One of the main reasons relationships fail is that the two people can't be honest with each other. It is not that most people lie, but that most people do not know how to tell the truth about their feelings and needs. This does NOT mean, however, that you should dump all of your health issues, family skeletons or relationship baggage on the table in the first few dates. Let people get to know YOU, your values, desires, goals and your essence...the things that make you...you! Everyone has things that they fear sharing with someone new, but in time, you will find the right moments. Building a foundation leads to trust that will make it safer for both of you to move forward. This does not mean to lie about something early on if you arenít ready to discuss something, just let your partner know that you would like to discuss things, but that the time is not right for you.

It's much easier to be yourself than to be what you think others want you to be. If you are not being yourself, you are doing yourself a disservice. Our pretenses never really fool anyone. People somehow see right through us anyway.

4. Being a people-pleaser is not an effective way to create good relationships. Acting for others is actually just an effective way to be taken advantage of. Many singles give their potential partners too much in order to entice them into the relationship. People rarely stay in relationships because of what they can get from you. Giving over the top only buys love and affection on a temporary basis.

This is not a dress rehearsal -- this is your life and your relationship are a work in progress, so get started today!

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4 Truths About Dating